Sleepapalooza 2011

I had a, uh, troublesome pregnancy. And a lot of the trouble happened at night. I had the super fun “normal” nighttime issues, like having to go to the bathroom every 32 seconds, leg cramps, hip pain, and general insomnia, I also had the wee morning triumvirate of evil – waking up EVERY NIGHT between 3 and 5 because I had to throw up, eat, or drink something. Usually, all three. EVERY NIGHT from September 2010 until April 2011. Then, of course, I had a baby, and we all got tons of sleep. And, no.

BUT, for the last two nights, I have been able to sleep for 6 – 7 hours STRAIGHT through. Because my sweet babycakes, the sleep-killer? Who apparently swore out a sleep vendetta against me, determined to drive me mad and weaken my resistance to his new goal of destruction and mayhem throughout my house? Started sleeping at night. For nice, long, extended stretches. BY HIMSELF. I am so, so thankful, and, of course, deeply suspicious. I have also found that, after 15 months of not sleeping for longer than 4 hours at a time, I am going to have to “sleep train” MYSELF. Why?

1. The sleepies have TAKEN OVER. Those gross little eye-crap crusty things? Don’t get ‘em when you don’t sleep.

2. The OMG WHERE IS MY BABY AND WHY ISN’T HE CRYING startle-half jump out of bed obstacle course is obviously for those who are in better shape than I am.

3. Dreams? What?

4. Oh, my tummy hurts.. so bad, I think I’m – wait, is that what it feels like when you don’t get up to pee every 32 seconds? For reals?

5. The urge to get stabby is a little too real at 5 a.m. when my husband wakes me up to tell me the baby is asleep. Really? Did that just happen?

6. I find the absence of grabby little baby hands groping me, and the lack of the insertion of slimy little baby hands INTO MY MOUTH (thanks kid) to be disconcerting. Sometimes I miss the cuddly little warm body!

I feel almost *spoiled* by this much sleep. So much so, that I feel the need to get up early and do stuff. Like laundry. It’s almost like my husband and baby have conspired against me. Almost. Like. That.